Are You Being Verbally Abused? Oprah Mag Offers Advice.

Verbal-Abuse-3-oBreaking the Cycle of Abuse

We’ve been there. In a verbally-abusive relationship. And if you’re reading this, we’re assuming you’ve been there too, or are there right now, or know someone who is. The first thing you need to know is this: YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE TALKED DOWN TO OR CALLED NAMES, OR MANIPULATED, OR MADE TO FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS YOUR FAULT WHEN IT’S NOT, OR TALKED TO IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU FEEL ANYTHING LESS THAN THE AMAZING PERSON THAT YOU ARE.

We know that’s it’s hard to leave, because sometimes things get better. Sometimes things aren’t so bad. But no person should ever be allowed to speak to you in that way, or lay his hands on you, or yell at you in a way that breaks you down, and maybe reminds you of how you used to get yelled at as a child.

Here are some signs Oprah.com listed that mean you might be in a verbally-abusive relationship:

1) The abuse only happens when you’re alone with him. Friends and coworkers might think he’s a prince, so you doubt your own perceptions or believe his anger must be your fault.

2) Verbal abuse escalates gradually; you adapt. (The abuse might also become physical.) He’s Jekyll and Hyde, with just enough sweet times to keep you hoping the relationship will improve.

3) You assume that he’s trying to be rational and wants the same things  you want, so you strain to make sense of what he says. But it’s nonsense, designed to confuse you. The shocking truth is, he seeks control, not intimacy.

Here are some things to remember:

1) Recognize that the abuse has nothing to do with you or your actions or qualities.

2) Stop trying to explain and defend yourself. Instead, start setting limits: “Cut that out!” or “I don’t want to hear that.”

3) Listen carefully to your feelings. Believe them, not him.

4) Get support from a counselor or therapist. Make sure she understands that this isn’t just a “conflict” or an “argument.”

5) Keep in mind that an abuser might be able to change himself if he really wants to—but you can’t change him. You can honor and nurture yourself.

AND THIS ISN’T LISTED IN THE ARTICLE, BUT LADIES, YOUR BEST BET IS PROBABLY TO GET THE HELL OUT AND DON’T LOOK BACK. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE IN DANGER, CONTACT SOMEONE YOU TRUST, AND MAYBE EVEN THE POLICE.

Read Oprah’s checklist to see if you’re in a verbally-abusive relationship, at the end of the post on this page here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Verbal-Abuse-How-To-Save-Yourself#ixzz2v295MB55

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